Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
