I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
