Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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