I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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