Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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