I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
