I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
