Come see our sink grown plant.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
