Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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