VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
