OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
