in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
