Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
