if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
