The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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