Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
