just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
