your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
