been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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