I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
