the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
how drunk are you?
Several
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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