K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
