i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
