I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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