Porn is love you can see.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize