if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize