naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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