Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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