I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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