I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
She announced her abortion via fbk
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
We need to rekindle our bromance
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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