Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
