fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
