i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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