Please, let me fuck your mom
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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