this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
