I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
