Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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