Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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