So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
