Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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