You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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