At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
