New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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