i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I want a musical about memes.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
