Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
