You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize