Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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