i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i think i have two assholes
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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