Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
