so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
