dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
