There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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