she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
