Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
do nipples grow back?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
