Well douche your snatch and let's go!
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
