drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
