I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
