Please, let me fuck your mom
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
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