I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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