In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
