I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
