im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
