There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
