Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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