The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
