I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
