i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize